For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
