i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
