? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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