I just gift wrapped bread.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
