evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Blood and glitter go together right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
