In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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