life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i now understand why vodka
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
