Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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