Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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