Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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