I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
