I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
