I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
