I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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