Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize