remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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