just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
