haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
