There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
