things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
