she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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