went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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