SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
