So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize