Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
