just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
