just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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