I met the friendliest cop last night
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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