Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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