Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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