I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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