Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
