I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You dont lie about slip and slides
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
