its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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