she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize