shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
