...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
