like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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