and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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