Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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