The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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