ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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