Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
