Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
