Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
