Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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