just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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