I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize