is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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