dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
