I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
